Yankee Fan for Life,
originally uploaded by davepress.
This morning, while enjoying my bagel, coffee and cigarette (only because Brian left it here, I swear, Kelly Sue) I’m watching Baseball Tonight on ESPN, because today is Opening Day for the Great American Pastime. Every season it starts and I continue to consider the oxymoron of what it means for this show to be called Baseball Tonight when it’s on during the afternoon. I remember at some point they changed the name for this show to Baseball Today when they had the afternoon show, but I guess it must be a brand name thing for the marketing geeks in Bristol, CT.
Regardless, the game today is the St. Louis Cardinals at the New York Mets. Being that my parents were born and raised in the Bronx, (for those of you who don’t know what that implies—it means I’m a Yankees fan). Actually, my Dad was a Giants fan—Willie Mays is his favorite ball player. From a toddler, I’ve been adorned with Yankees memorabilia, so that’s what I am. As the picture above testifies to that fact. Naturally, I’ll be rooting for the Cardinals.
I love baseball, by far my favorite sport. I love the science involved, how it takes a fraction of a second pause from being a hero to being a zero. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy, and it has definitely brought me to the brink of madness.
I’ll share a story from college. It was junior year, and yet another keg party at the FEast. It was that Mike Mussina near perfect game against the Red Sox AT Fenway. I was eating it up, loving the thumb flick of an insult that the game was, driving the Red Sox fans at the party insane with the INSULT of a Yankee pitcher pitching a perfect game at Fenway. But it was not meant to be. With two outs in the ninth, up walks human garbage disposal Carl Everett and his fudge packing batting stance, and swings at a two strike pitch. The dribbler just barely skirts through the glove of second baseman Alfonso Soriano, and makes it through for a single. First of all, YOU DON’T FUCKING SWING on a two-strike pitch when the guy has a perfect game. That’s just disrespectful, but that’s Carl Everett—professional asshole.
Now, to current predictions. Things are not starting off so good this season for the Yanks. Tomorrow we open with that freeloader Carl Pavano in his first game pitching since June 2005. The asshole, doesn’t deserve the honor, but his recent ex-girlfriend is hot. As is Yankee policy, there will be no contract negotiations before the year contracts are up, leaving the Yankees in hot water with their closer Mariano Rivera and third baseman Alex Rodriguez. Both threatening to walk after the season if they don’t get deals. Rivera I’m not so worried about, he’ll end his career as a Yankee…A-Rod, considering his performance in the seasons he’s been here and considering the bat shit retarded contract he has is going to be that much harder to negotiate around. What I like about this play of Cashman’s, refusing to deal with contract negotiations until after the season, gets the best performances out of these players on their last years. That’s why I think A-Rod is going to go crazy like a serial rapist at a kid’s summer camp this season, because he’s playing for a contract. He’s also going to be the youngest player in history to get to 500 home runs. Personally, I want him to be in a Yankee uniform when he takes down that charlatan Barry Bonds. Who, unfortunately, will probably get Hank Aaron’s record. And frankly, I would much rather him suck for the Yankees than be awesome against the Yankees with some other team, and honestly the Yanks are probably the only team in baseball that can support anything A-Rod demands.
